The Hardest Part

The hardest part of all this for me is watching this strong woman slowly get beat down. My mom when I was a kid scared the crap out of me. She's strong willed, stubborn, creative, hard worker, funny, and so much more. But don't cross her, lol. She loves her girls to death and would do anything for us. Which, back then was not always so easy to see.

 You will have only one true mother. I understand this. That bond and relationship is a strong one. Whether you think you have a good or bad one... She's still yours and she is doing her best. The threat of losing mine killed me! It's a loss I can imagine is like no other and one I'm never going to be ready for. 

Recently my mom had a surgery. Everything went well and she is home now. But today she made me promise not to let her go through that again. How can I not support something that will save her, yet how can I not respect her wishes. After, I threw a fit telling her I would not lose her, I came to my senses. I gave her what she needed... My promise to support her NO when she needed me to! It's hard. I depended on her for everything and now she depends on us. Roles reverse! Don't get me wrong, I want to be here for her. However, realizing your super mom is only human and fragile can be life altering. But no matter what I love and respect her. I'll support her when she needs me to make her NO clear and I'll encourage her when that's needed. Overall, I'm just thankful I still have her. I want to keep her for a while longer. So if your reading this! Please pray! Or send your positive vibes this way.

Mom is on left, lady on right is one of her besties! Photo taken 3 years ago. I love this pic!

The Love

COMMENT WITH LOVE: If you have a family member fighting cancer. Share your thoughts, concerns, prayer requests.  Comment on my blog, we are in this fight together.

SHOW THE LOVE: Follow me and show the love! Show my mom your love and support. Add a quote, prayer, image to my comments. I'll show her and lift her spirits up!

SHARE THE LOVE: Share my blog with some one else who is fighting the fight, we can lean on each other. Share a link to your blog in the comments too and I'll do the same.

Check out this site for lymphoma fighting accessories: http://www.zazzle.com.au/lymphoma+gifts. And wear your support! 

The Diagnosis

One diagnosis would not be good enough. My mom went through so many Doctors and tests. Initial lung doctor told us it was lung cancer and she should start chemo right away. We did the widely useless needle biopsy that revealed nothing and put mom through pain. If you are going through this opt out and let them get a bigger chunk because it is never enough to make a diagnosis. Three sticks and a biopsy later we are at Moffit Cancer Center and she doesn't have cancer but some lung infection. Symptom free at this point and shrinking. My family and I were ecstatic. We cried with joy. Our prayers had been answered. She was going to be fine. This nightmare was over. Not! Some stupid Doctor gave her a steroid. She started having problems with it that were ignored and shrugged off. Nothing was done. No one thought it would be cancer again but it was. We all believe she would not have had it if it wasn't for the prednisone. If you are going through something similar or your loved one is... Do your research, listen to your body, and be the squeaky wheel. Never be embarrassed to ask questions or make the Doctors listen. Everyone is in such a rush and that Doctor rushed my mom into non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. We had been taking natural substances and eating better. The scans showed a decrease in the infection. But after the steroid was introduced and then took forever for her to be "weaned" off, it was too late. With her immune system shot, these things could grow and did. Since then it's been a whirlwind of treatments and diagnosis. To get to lymphoma we had to consider other much scarier cancers. Then only to get the call from my mom saying its stage 4 lymphoma. She was an hour away from us but we all went to her bedside. Doctors explained it more and we realized stage 4 In lymphoma is not like other cancers. Chemo could kill it. And so began the chemo journey. 

The Call

Living away from family is not easy. I had been living in TX and then TN for the last 3 years. I moved to TN from TX in hopes that my family, in FL, would come up soon. However, plans are meant to change. One year and a half later, I had been missing my family and thinking about moving back to FL. The night I got THE CALL made my decision for me. My mom called me. She sounded off. "Carrie I'm sick and we are not sure right now what it is but it's in my lungs." I couldn't talk because I was holding back my tears, trying to be strong. This was my mom, holding in the emotions I was feeling was not an option. In between the sobs, I said "I'm coming home." That was it, I planned a trip home, spoke to work. Two weeks at home going through tests and Doctors went by like a whirlwind. One doctor told us it was lung cancer... That night I wrote my notice to my work. Shortly after my dad and I were on our way to TN for my stuff. Most of the people at my work understood, some spread stupid rumors and lies. None of this mattered to me. All I could think about was that my mom was sick and I don't want to miss another minute with her. Homeward bound we were. Home to begin the hardest fight of our lives and the scariest journey. I couldn't stop wondering if she would be here for the birth of my future kids or to be my matron of honor in my future wedding. The night of my big move home, I was up all night crying, praying! I just could not lose my Mama! I just couldn't. 

The C Word

I bet you are wondering which C word I am referencing. Well, this C word can mean many things to people. It can mean death, destruction, pain, suffering, sickness and more. Or it could mean strength, love, family, prayer, support, positivity, hope, and faith. Often, the C word can bring on a combination of these as well as a roller coaster ride of emotions. The C word is Cancer and my family has cancer. I heard once when one person gets cancer it's as if the whole family has it. Well, I can definitely understand that. My mom is currently fighting cancer. Lymphoma to be exact. Stage 4. I decided to write a blog about our journey. The ups and downs.  Maybe, our experience will help others, going through something similar, to cope. Two young girls I know keep up with fantastic blogs and it was reading their blogs that inspired me to write about something important to me. So here goes. This blog is dedicated to my mom. We will call her Chickey because that is her endearment for us (her four daughters.) My plan is to start from the beginning and tell you our story. Right now, she is doing great. Chemo has shrunk the cancer and her spirits are high. But the fight continues and the journey to this point has been rocky. Thank you for reading our story.